There’s one critical aspect that makes any roomie worth a damn : paying the rent on time. If you can’t figure that out like the roomie in this post today than you might need to move back in with the parents (the ultimate roomies!)
Remember Bobert from the Instant Vegan? Bobert didn’t like beets (as I did not) and Bobert didn’t like paying rent (as I did not either but COME ON.)
Bobert is not his real name by the way. Bobert is a cruel and unfair nickname that he had earned over the years from an unfortunate fact about himself: Bobert’s name was Robert and he stuttered. More specifically Bobert seemed to stutter on “Bs” and “Vs” more often than other words. You see where this is going? “Bo-bo-bo-books are expensive this year bo-bo-bro. ” Look, I didn’t say I was a NICE roomie, right?
So Bobert had a ba-ba-ba-bill problem. Mainly, paying them. Which is plan fine with me as I’ve had roomies that bounce checks and roomies that break banks, roomies that were homeless without a penny before they moved in to roomies with trust funds and black Amex cards on lock.
Bobert though – he was an artist at avoiding the monthly Rent Round Up. Old Bobert was the kind of roomie ALWAYS hanging around in the public areas of the house, watching T.V. when you wanted to, buzzarding about when someone brought in a pizza and just generally being present UNLESS…you needed his rent check.
Now in this day and age of limited liability living situations you might be in the clear if one roomie doesn’t pay up – just tell Mr. Landlord “Hey, I paid mine. Go after him!” Not so with this place. Mr. Landlord saw all of us as one big irresponsible mass of bros that owed him them dollars.
My phone would blow up in class constantly about this issue. Have you ever had to have a hushed conversation in the middle of a MGMT 101 test with an 80 year old man who doesn’t know (or care) that your name isn’t Bobert and you DID pay your rent on time?
Bobert was an even tougher case. Excuses common from our man Bobert:
” Oh man, I forgot. I’ll get that ASAP. ”
“Don’t worry dude I mailed it. Just wait. ”
“Dude I can’t really right now is there any way you can spot me? ”
” *horrible awkward silence* ”
You want there to be a great end to this one right? Sorry bros and ladybros. I got burned by Bobert. One night when Jonah and I were out of town for separate reasons old Bobert packed his sh*t and got the hell out of Dodge.
Bobert skipped rent and left a sad scrawled note about how he was moving back in with his parents. The reason? He was failing all his classes. Now we knew why Bobert was ALWAYS AROUND.
Don’t worry though, the story of Bobert ends there but stay tuned for the next post : THE SUBLEASER.